At Slumber Strategy Group, we are often asked how many pillows are enough. Our research team spent six weeks testing configurations. What follows is a summary of their findings, written in the brief periods when they were awake.
The One Pillow Model
A single pillow provides basic support but leaves the sleeper exposed to a draught on one side. It is fine for a doze, and adequate for a short break. For a full night, however, it is the arrangement of a minimalist, and minimalists do not sleep well.
The Two Pillow Model
Two pillows offer greater stability but invite a dispute. Which pillow is for the head, and which is for the paws? Our testers reported an average of 2.3 rearrangements per night, which is considered high.
The Three Pillow Model
- Pillow one: placed under the head
- Pillow two: placed beside the body, for security
- Pillow three: placed on top, for enclosure
- Result: a perfect nest, with only one gap, which is the one the sleeper wants
Testing Protocol
Each tester was given a different arrangement and observed through the night. Their positions, breathing, and tail movement were recorded on a spreadsheet that was later sat on. Testers were rated on comfort, depth of sleep, and apparent contentment.
Findings
The Three Pillow Model scored highest in all categories. Testers reported feeling safe, warm, and slightly smug. Only one tester, a restless ginger, preferred the Two Pillow Model, citing a desire for a view of the door.
Verdict
Four paws out of four. Would sleep on again. We recommend this arrangement for all cats, and for humans who are willing to share.
Related Products
The Three Pillow Solution is available in two sizes, regular and generous. A fourth pillow is available as a premium upgrade, though our testers describe it as unnecessary, excessive, and the best thing that ever happened to them. Pillows are sold separately, and are usually found already in use.
This review is satire and not a real product recommendation.