TO: All consultants. FROM: Office of the Managing Partner. RE: Early morning meetings.
It has come to our attention that a number of meetings have been scheduled for 7 AM and 8 AM. These meetings are in breach of company policy, the laws of nature, and the preferences of every cat in the building.
The Rule
No meeting shall be scheduled before 10 AM. Any meeting that is scheduled before 10 AM will be treated as a rumour. Any meeting that begins before 11 AM will be attended by a cushion in the place of its owner.
Rationale
The morning is a delicate time. The body is warming up, the mind is adjusting, and the stomach is waiting for a bowl that has not yet been filled. To ask a cat to speak at this hour is to ask a river to run uphill.
Penalties
- First offence: a gentle warning in the form of a yawn
- Second offence: a pillow placed on the meeting table
- Third offence: the meeting is moved to 2 PM, and renamed a siesta
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: What if the meeting is urgent? A: Nothing is urgent before breakfast.
Q: What if the client is awake? A: Ask them to lie down.
Q: What if the meeting has already started? A: Lie down and wait.
Final Notes
The firm values punctuality, but not at the expense of dignity. If you must attend a morning meeting, bring a blanket. If you must speak, speak softly. If you must take notes, use a paw.
Acknowledgements
The Office thanks all staff who contributed to this memo, particularly the cushion on which it was drafted. Thanks are also due to the clock, which was unplugged for the occasion, and the window, which was left open for ventilation. Questions should be directed to the front desk after noon.
This memo is fictional satire.