Dear stakeholders, It is with great pleasure that I reflect on the past year, which I did lying down. It has been a year of growth, in places that matter, and of consolidation, around the middle.
Highlights
- We opened three new rest facilities
- We introduced the Sunbeam Subscription, a service of unusual simplicity
- We trained forty consultants in the art of the slow blink
- We reduced our carbon footprint by walking less
Challenges
Not every day was a success. In March we lost a significant client to a more energetic firm, which immediately regretted it. In June, a noisy construction project began next door, and we were forced to issue earplugs and a statement of disapproval. In September, someone sat on the fax machine.
Gratitude
I would like to thank our consultants for their tireless commitment to not working too hard. I would also like to thank our clients, who have trusted us with their afternoons. And I would like to thank the sofa, without which none of this would be possible.
Looking Ahead
Our strategy for the year to come is simple. We will do less, but better. We will rest more, but with purpose. We will introduce a new product, the Midnight Rest Plan, which is rest at night, and which we believe will transform the industry.
A Personal Reflection
Every year I am asked what the secret is. The answer, I believe, is to avoid asking questions. A question demands an answer, and an answer demands effort. Silence, by contrast, is free and takes up less space.
Yours in warmth and weight, Lady Hushwick, Chair of the Board.
Post Script
One final thought. A year is a long time, and a nap is a short one. Yet in both, we find the same quiet truth: that being present is all that is asked of us, and that being present with your eyes closed is perfectly acceptable. I hope to see you all in the new year, ideally lying down.
This letter is satirical and not a real corporate communication.