No profession is complete without its own vocabulary. Rest is no exception. We present here a selection of key terms used by our consultants, defined in plain language and arranged in an order that no one will check.
- Alignment: the act of lying with the spine in a straight line, ideally parallel to the sofa.
- Bandwidth: the amount of available attention, usually close to zero.
- Circling: a preparatory movement of three turns, designed to flatten the surface and the mind.
- Deliverable: anything that is brought to the sleeper, such as a snack.
- Downtime: all time.
- Elevation: the height of a nap, measured from the floor.
- Footprint: the area occupied by a sleeping cat, which is always larger than it appears.
- Horizontal integration: lying on top of another cat.
- Idle capacity: potential to leap, held in reserve.
- Loaf: a nap shape, with paws tucked beneath.
- Offline: sleeping.
- Pivot: a change of position, executed without waking.
More Advanced Terms
- Quarterly purr: a business update delivered in the form of a hum.
- Runway: the length of time before dinner.
- Synergy: two cats on one cushion.
- Touch point: contact with a warm surface.
- Vertical: any surface that is not the floor.
- Warm lead: a lap.
- Yield: the number of hours slept in a given day.
- Zoning: the process of retreating into a dream.
How to Use This Glossary
We encourage clients to incorporate these terms into their daily speech. For example, one might say, “I have limited bandwidth, so I will pivot to a loaf in the warm lead.” This is clear, professional, and will be understood by any cat in the room.
A Note on Updates
This glossary is reviewed once per year, at the end of a very long nap. Suggestions for new entries may be submitted by leaving them on a cushion.
This glossary is a work of parody and a real dictionary should be consulted for all serious purposes.